A Concerning Doctor Visit

Yesterday I took Joe in for a scheduled ultrasound and chemotherapy appointment. The day started off very early for us as we had to be at the hospital at 7:30 am. Since the appointments have become very routine, I took Ben and Will with us. The boys are very easy to manage among all the toys up at the clinic and they help play the complicated computer games with Joe (Daddy usually likes that role but he was out of town...the games are only complicated to me because Joe tells me to just play and doesn't tell me how!). Our youngest son, Caleb, spent the night with the Dean Family so I didn't have to get everyone up even earlier to get him to a sitter...he had a great time being spoiled there - thanks Dean Family! Anyway, everything went fine at the ultrasound appointment, we ate some breakfast at the hospital cafeteria, then went across the street to the H/O clinic. The boys played great while Joe and I went in and out of the exam rooms to access his port, get examined, talk to the doctor, etc...like I said, all very routine and expected...just like every other time we have been at the clinic for chemotherapy. Then, Dr. Heym poked his head into the playroom and asked if he could talk to me. I didn't think much of this until I walked into the exam room with him (the boys stayed in the playroom) and he was real serious and said he reviewed the sonogram from earlier in the day and found a spot on it. This spot has not been seen on any earlier sonograms taken over the past several months. This was so unexpected! Everything has been going perfectly as planned and we thought we were nearing the end...just one more chemo treatment would be left after this appointment. How could this be? I know I was staring blankly at him with my mind swirling all over the place. He said the spot looks like it is located in the same area where they removed Joe's tumor and kidney. The words that kept resonating in my head were "very concerning". He used this term several times to express the impact...if a Wilms' tumor is to reoccur during chemotherapy and after all that radiation it is extremely serious. My experience with the doctors so far have been that they want to be very upfront in the procedures and what to expect but are also quick to say we shouldn't panic until we get more information. I didn't get that feeling from Dr. Heym yesterday. As I was still blankly staring at him he was already talking about possibly having surgery next week to go in and find out about the mass. I was listening to the doctor speak but my mind was racing ahead to how will we be able to tell Joe that he will be having surgery next week and most likely miss the rest of fall baseball, when he just got to play his first game last Saturday. We have been telling Joe how he is almost done and to hang in there...how can we tell him this...whatever this is and whatever it may mean? I still listened to the doctor now knowing what questions to even ask. He said he was setting up a CT scan for Joe in a few hours at the hospital to try to get more information and that he was very sorry. I think it was when he said he was very sorry that my eyes filled with tears and I too felt truly sorry...for Joe.

Some of the words from the song Let The Waters Rise by Mikeschair that I posted back in April came to mind. It feels like a raging sea right in front of me that wants to pull me in. Where do I go from here? God your love is enough to pull me through and I will follow you. You've been faithful before and you'll be faithful again...I'm holding your hand. I am willing to go where you want me to go, God, I trust you.

I called and told Kevin the news while he was on his way to the airport in Atlanta about to return home. I was sorry that I didn't have more answers for him but no one did. I was also very thankful knowing he would be home in a few hours. I then called some good friends to have them pick up Ben and Will from me at the hospital. It was already lunchtime and we weren't going to be leaving anytime soon due to the CT scan. Joe wasn't allowed to eat before the scan and thankfully he didn't eat much at breakfast so our doctor was allowing him to have the scans instead of waiting another day. I didn't want Ben and Will to eat lunch in front of Joe while he couldn't eat so it worked out great that the Daniel family stepped in to pick up the boys, feed them, and arrange to pick up Kevin at the airport. Thank you to all our friends who are forever helping us during this time...you are all a precious gift from God and priceless to us!

We finished the CT scan at 5 pm and left the hospital to pick up Ben and Will. Ben was very concerned about making a birthday party he was supposed to go to and I was happy that we were able to make it late. Joe's illness can be hard on all the boys and has required all of us to become extremely flexible so I was glad for Ben that we didn't have to cancel out of the party. Joe started to feel bad from his chemotherapy as we dropped Ben off so I rushed home and we made it into our garage when he started vomiting. I was prepared and had a bag in the car for Joe and Will sat silently in the back seat with his hands over his ears until Joe was done getting sick. Joe felt much better after that and was able to relax while he played the game cube upstairs...he says it helps him feel better but I think he likes the "bonus" screen time alone without any brothers pestering him for a turn. I got Will settled in front of a show and caught my breath and waited for everyone else to return home...the Deans were bringing Caleb, our new friends the Sims were bringing Kevin, and the Shermans were bringing Ben. What a day already.

The doctor called around 7 pm to let me know what was found on the CT scan. He was "more hopeful" after the scans were completed. It appears that the mass is actually in Joe's colon and not in the cavity where the previous tumor and kidney were removed. This is good as it does not appear to be recurrent Wilms' tumor. As to what the mass is and how serious it is...we still do not know. With the location in the colon, Joe will be able to have a colonoscopy to get a biopsy of the mass instead of having exploratory surgery in his abdomen. This is a huge blessing already! Joe has a very vascular birthmark which extends from his right thigh into his abdomen so there is a chance this mass could be a grouping of blood vessels. There is really no way to determine anything until the colonoscopy is performed. That procedure will be scheduled next week and hopefully they can get us in as early as possible. Please pray with us that this mass will not be a cancerous mass and that it will be something very easy to resolve. It obviously brings back so many emotions of what happened back in April when Joe initially was diagnosed. We know God is in control and we are praying for complete healing over Joe. Thank you for your prayers for Joe!

If you are reading this blog and share information with your kids, please be sensitive to what you tell them so that Joe and our other boys don't hear too much from them. We have not told Joe about this and will tell him a little at a time as he needs to know. Thank you for your discretion.